Celebrants: Meeting the Needs of the Family
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The family is seated. The flowers are beautiful. The seats in the chapel are full of friends and acquaintances. The prelude music fades out and then, something amazing happens. The officiant stands up and takes everyone in attendance on a journey of the deceased’s life. Funny and poignant stories are shared, the family’s loss and their grief in days to come is acknowledged, favourite songs are played, accomplishments are celebrated, a life lived is honoured.
At the end of the service, each person is handed a tile from a Scrabble game because this woman loved to play Scrabble. They are invited to put that tile in a special place in order to remember this life in the coming days. To close the service, everyone stands and sings “the Fishy Song” together. The family is thrilled that their loved one was given such a special and sacred time of remembrance. The attendees hug the family and tell them that they are so glad they came. The funeral home is praised for having such a meaningful and wonderful service. This is a celebrant service.
The most important element of a Celebrant’s work is the family meeting. This is not just a time to gather the stories and hear how the family wishes the service to be designed. It is also a healing and sacred time to allow the family to begin the process of grieving together in a safe and understanding environment. Some amazing things can happen in a family meeting, where stories are shared perhaps for the first time, where emotions are expressed and where memories begin to take shape into lasting pieces that will be there long after the flowers have faded and the music has ended. They do not rely on the obituary, the clergy record, or a few emails from friends and family. A Celebrant’s best work happens when he or she makes a concerted effort to set a time and a place for a family meeting so each person has a chance to be part of the experience.
Celebrants can provide a service in the chapel or graveside, a holiday memorial, a scattering at sea, a special community program at the cemetery, an evening service before a church service the next day. The options and opportunities are wide open. People are touched. Lives are honoured, healing ceremonies are created and, once again, the funeral is a vital and important part of the marking of the passing of a life.
