By What the Hill?

Learning the Lesson of Love and not from Cupid

Feb 14, 2011 | 4:46 PM

Valentine’s Day should come with a warning sign — beware of a child flying with a weapon.

This alone should be scary enough, but more so, for the single woman, Valentine’s Day forces us to think.

Everywhere there are pink hearts, red roses, chocolates and couples kissing happily. It’s like facing your own mortality, except in pastel.

Valentine’s Day has never really caused me much pause before, at least not since I was in Grade 6 and had to put a card and candy on everyone’s desk.

But this year, somewhere between the coverage we did with paNOW.com of Love, Saskatchewan and the endless loop of CBC interviews with happy couples, it got to me. Not so much the day itself, but what is behind it. Love.

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Historically, having me write about love would be like riding around in a fog — being right in the middle of something, but having no idea where you are.

But, I’ve learned something about love, well at least since I lost it.

I used to think love was only about that wild and crazy butterfly feeling in your stomach, but it’s more than that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced heart flutters so badly that I actually went and saw a doctor about my shortness of breath. I was concerned my heart was missing beats or that stress was going to do me in.

It wasn’t until after I left the clinic and again talked the cause of my heart flutters that I realized the reason. How embarrassing is that?

“Sorry doctor for taking up your time.”

Love it turns out or at least that true love is about that warm feeling when you are at peace with everything and when for the briefest of minutes everything makes sense in a world that rarely makes sense.

It’s about that phone call that puts a smile on your face, just by hearing their ring tone.

It’s hearing that the person you love say, “you keep getting more interesting” — even after you have been hanging out for months.

Love, I’ve come to realize, creates the vacuum where two people can co-exist happily against all odds. That vacuum can be created with a shared look or a stolen kiss.

I think it’s hard for women to write about Valentine’s Day without sounding bitter, even when they are in a relationship because it never looks like the way it’s supposed to. But, love isn’t pretty and it doesn’t come in the romantic-comedy package, where the couple splits and suddenly they realize their mistake. In the movie, everything quickly gets fixed, with no lessons learned and they all live happily ever after.

Although sometimes I wish life was like that, I also wish I could get my hands on that chocolate they eat during their breakup scenes, because they go through a lot of it and never gain a pound.

Despite the heartache that comes with the lessons of love, I’m glad for what I have learned.

I’ve learned that love is a feeling of coming home and not always of adventure. I’ve learned that I likely want love in my future and don’t really want to avoid it.

And most importantly I’ve learned to appreciate the love of my family and friends because even when the other love isn’t working out, I know they are there for me.

ahill@panow.com