Common Questions Families Have About Dealing with Alzheimer’s

1. When is it time to consider placing my mother in a nursing home?

This is a difficult decision for family members. As the disease progresses, the person will require “round the clock,” full-time care (24 hrs a day, 7days a week). No one can do this alone. If programs, services and resources are available in your community, you may prefer to care for your mother at home. If not, a move to a long-term care facility is an option. Other things need to be considered as well, such as the state of your health, work situation and supports available for you. It is best to gather information about care options in your community early so you can make informed decisions when the time comes. Visit the section on long-term care for more information.

2. I've just put my wife in a nursing home and I feel terribly guilty. How can I cope with this?

As a caregiver, you may be feeling a variety of emotions — guilt, relief, second thoughts. These are all normal feelings. Adjusting to the new environment and to your new caregiver role will take time. Know that you've made the best decision for you and your wife. You may find a visit to the Alzheimer Society Message Board helpful — you'll find other caregivers discussing how they feel and ways they've found to cope with this difficult role of being a caregiver.

3. I have a really difficult time visiting my husband in the nursing home. How can I make the visits better for both of us?

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Sometimes it is good to have short visits with a purpose; for example, come by at lunch-time with a favourite dessert or take your husband for a walk later in the day if that is a difficult time for him. Also, making his environment familiar and home-like will help both of you feel more “at home.” You may also want to visit a friend afterwards for a cup of tea and a sympathetic ear. Adjusting to a nursing home is difficult for everyone and takes time.

4. My mother repeats the same thing or asks the same question over and over. What's this all about and how can I cope?

Listening to your mother repeat the same phrase or question over and over can be frustrating. One thing to remember is that it is the disease that makes a person forget what she has said five minutes ago — your mother isn't doing this to aggravate you. Depending on what she is saying, the repetition might be an indication that she has some unmet need or is anxious about something. Try to figure out if she needs something or is anxious about anything in particular. Or try distracting her with another activity.

5. My relative rummages through things. What's going on?

“Rummaging” is a common behaviour for some people with Alzheimer's disease. They might be looking for something specific or have a lot of “pent-up energy.” It is best to accommodate this behaviour by providing a place where the person can rummage safely and not bother anyone. A dresser drawer full of old socks might help.

6. My father gets very agitated late in the day. Is this normal?

Some people with Alzheimer's disease get agitated or restless late in the day. This is called sundowning. Keeping the person busy during the day can help. A walk outside if possible may also help. Also, following a familiar routine that the person was used to, such as helping to prepare dinner, can help.