By John Fryters

Senior's Scene

Escapism

Dec 17, 2020 | 10:23 AM

Just before I started writing this column, I switched to YouTube and found a wonderful track by a Dutch child singer from the 1960’s with the name “Heintje”.

This wonder boy used to sing songs which would make one homesick for Holland and which are known as tear-jerkers.

It allows me to day dream and think about my past as a child in The Netherlands – time with my mom and dad and my two brothers and little sister. Heintje’s songs tug on my emotions and I can forget about the realities we are all are facing – getting older fast, COVID-19’s new regulations to wear masks almost all of the time, not being able to hug my congregation members in my church, etc.

The more things change around me, the more I am drawn to things and activities which draw me away from reality.

My wife Hannelore and myself are now and yes once again drawn back to watch those romantic Hallmark movies on the W Channel.

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Hannelore makes sure that she tapes all the movies so we do not miss even one of them. We are watching them one after another. Sometimes, it becomes confusing as Hallmark recruits the same actors and actresses for their different movies with Christmas themes. You have to pull yourself many times back into reality to remind yourself which movie are you watching. What truly counts is that you feel romantic afterwards – you self-identify with the stories and the romanticism portrayed by the actors.

The themes are all the same : A loves B, C falls in love with A. B and C are fighting it out. B usually (most of the time) wins. At the end A and B are embracing in a long kiss, and ‘THE END” appears on the screen. It is not complicated. The more you watch these type of movies, the better you get at predicting the outcome.

Knowing that these behaviors can become addictive and will negatively affect our lifestyles, I am now fully and absolutely sure that both are forms of escapism like taking drugs, drinking alcohol excessively, or gambling. Indeed, we are wasting our time.

Freddy Fender once had a hit called “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights”. We surely fit that category.

Some seniors get caught up in becoming overly involved in Facebook postings and messaging, texting or phoning. And Donald Trump, also a senior, is addicted to Tweeting.

So what is the alternative?

Well, I already have taken the first step in dealing with this.

The first step is to recognize that there is something wrong with what is called “Maladaptive Daydreaming”.

Not recognized as of yet as a known “Disorder”, the Pandemic has caused more and more individuals to fall into the trap of MD (Maladaptive Daydreaming). The term was created in 2002, but is not yet recognized as an official condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

In the previous paragraphs I clearly determined that my behavior is indeed maladaptive and close to full-fledged escapism. Recognition therefore is the first necessary step – understanding the difference between reality and your daydreams and difficulty you might have in fulfilling simple daily tasks (like eating, showering, sleeping because of your daydreams.

A therapist or counsellor might be able to help you and explore the possibility that your MD might have the underlying cause of past abuse. Abuse at a young age is common in those who experience maladaptive daydreams. What starts as “imaginative daydreaming” becomes a full-blown escapist fantasy.

Here are some simple tips to overcome MD :

a) Begin to recognize and avoid triggers. This is extremely difficult to do if COVID-19 is playing a role in the development of your MD. COVID-19, unfortunately, is around you all the time. Masks, social distancing, excessive cleaning, hand sanitizer, etc. all remind you daily and constantly on the Pandemic.

b) Sleep well. This simple tip includes sleep schedules by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Pay attention to bedtime routines such as brushing your teeth or cleaning your dentures, showering, and reading before bed. Such a routine can signal your brain that sleep is coming soon. Studies have shown that poor sleep quality or not enough leads to more frequent daydreaming. It is also been linked to impaired memory, slower reaction time, impaired attention (all already present in the elderly), and intrusive daydreaming

c) Stay engaged during the day. One theory about daydreaming says it is self-soothing technique used to calm or pacify the daydreamer (and yes, so it does for me). In this case, try doing a self-soothing or self-care activity like cooking dinner, doing yoga, or going with a friend for a pedicure. In addiction management we call this “switching addictions” or “learning a positive addiction to replace the negative addiction”.

d) Count how many times you daydream to reduce episodes.

e) Keep a journal to help you focus.

f) Consider speaking to a therapist or counsellor. As this is a relative new disorder, make sure that the therapist or counsellor is familiar with MD.

g) And as this is a new disorder, continue to keep yourself informed about this. As more studies and research are done, new treatments and coping mechanisms may become available. I will keep following this so that I can bring you regular updates.

John Fryters is a 72-year old senior who is passionate about helping other seniors.

This column is sponsored by MacKenzie Funeral Chapel and Crematorium – Compassionate care and impeccable service.

130 9th St. E, Prince Albert, SK

Phone: (306) 763-8488

https://mackenziechapel.ca/