ADHD Relationships
Living with ADHD symptoms is difficult enough for an individual. Being in a relationship with an ADHDer or for an individual with ADHD is an adventure! ADHDers love the stimulation and brain chemistry associated with being in love. Not only that, their spontaneity, impulsivity, and activity often make the ADHDer attractive to prospective partners as nothing is ever boring, repetitive or predictable! Those same behaviors that are initially attractive can soon cause many issues for the partners in a relationship.
Each partner will have a totally different view of the issues. The non-ADHDer will often feel disrespected, neglected, overburdened with extra responsibilities picking up after the ADHDers mistakes, forgetfullness, or impulsivity. The non-ADHDer often feels not listened to or ignored.The partner often resorts to nagging, constantly trying to control and organize their partner’s behaviours, and assuming a strong parental relationship with their partners often with very little positive effect.
The ADHDer is also feeling equally frustrated by the nagging, feelings of ineptitude, and failure. Nothing one does ever seems to be good enough. Why cant my partner ever give me a break, can’t you see I am trying? What happened to all that fun and love we used to have?
The first step in improving the relationship is to acknowledge the role of ADHD in the relationship. Then both partners have to learn as much about ADHD as they can and develop actions to strengthen their ADHD coping skills. One coping skill is to separate the ADHD symptoms and behaviors from the person.