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Dumb and Dumber

Apr 7, 2011 | 9:11 AM

For paNOW

You know you are getting old when: your junk mail contains ads for walk-in bath tubs instead of extenders and expanders of manly parts.

There is a news story about people younger than you, who are labeled elderly,

You get pamphlets on planning your funeral or buying a plot in the cemetery.

Everybody with children gets asked what it was like in the good old days. What hurts, is if they help you sit down and someone asks what you think about the situation in Libya … Someone else says, “Shush. She wouldn’t remember that.”

Next month, Husband and I turn 70. It isn’t the end of the earth being 70.

YES. IT. IS!

We can look back with our experience and get crusty over stupid things. To wit: Saskatoon City Council is going to spend $50,000 to have someone research whether or not panhandling is a problem in downtown Saskatoon. In our day, we would have walked downtown ourselves to have a look and saved $50,000.

A recent study discovered that people, especially school children, don’t like being bullied. They could have walked into any playground and just asked. If they really couldn’t tell whether or not adults liked being bullied, they could walk into the mall, say something mean to some guy and then plant him a facer. If he was upset, chances are…

An ad for a truck offers money to buy extras like a chrome running board. Running boards used to come with the car. Every kid on the block waited for Daddy to come home. He would stop at the end of the driveway the kid in question hopped aboard and rode the running board all the way to the garage. Dads didn’t need a doctoral study to know they were the smartest and best dad ever.

I suppose trucks do need running boards now — and possibly a set of stairs — because they are so far off the ground, even a Real Macho Man needs a boost.

And if somebody dropped a huge block of something really heavy into any truck I might own, I’d show him what crotchety is really like!

Dumb ads. Dumb folk with somebody else’s money in their pocket. Dumber people who don’t tell them so.