Bullying Bystanders

Preventing and Reducing Bullying Behaviour in Schools: The Importance of Bystanders

By: Keri Okanik, B.A, M.S.W, R.S.W

It is estimated that half of all children growing up in Canada will be the victim of some form of bullying by the time they reach adolescence. Bullying differs from situational conflict and is most often defined as deliberate and unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over a period of time. Aggressive behaviour can take many forms – verbal, social/relational, cyber/online, and physical. A bully might target one student or a group of students.

Working as a school-based counsellor, I know that bullying in school has negative consequences for all students involved: the bully, the bullied, and the bystanders.

For example, a child who is bullied is at greater risk of developing long term mental health consequences such as depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Over time, students who are the victim of bullying may see a drop in school performance or drop-out of school altogether. They may experiencing more physical health problems such as headaches, migraines, and stomach aches. Additionally, children who are bullied are at greater risk of being victimized in adulthood.

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Children who perpetrate bullying behaviour may also experience significant and long-term negative consequences. Research suggests that children who bully are more likely to have a criminal record, are at greater risk for abusive relationships, experience social difficulties into adulthood, and may experience difficulties at work as adults. Children who bully may also experience a myriad of mental health problems resulting from their behaviour such as increased risk of depression, inability to accept responsibility for one’s actions, and on-going difficulties with interpersonal relationships.

A bystander is someone who sees the bullying happen or hears about it at a later time. Most children who see bullying happening know that it is wrong, however, sometimes feel powerless to stop it, or afraid that getting involved will make them the target of the bullying. Feelings of powerlessness, guilt, fear, vulnerability, and pressure to participate in the bullying are all reported consequences experienced by bystanders.

Bystanders play one of the most important roles in preventing and reducing bullying behaviour in schools, however, this role is often ignored by educators, parents, and caregivers when teaching children and youth about bullying in schools and having healthy relationships with school peers. Depending on how bystanders respond to bullying behaviour, they can either contribute to the problem or the solution.

Parents, caregivers, and educators can prepare children to become helpful bystanders by discussing the different ways bystanders can make a difference, and by letting children and youth know that adults will support them to stop bullying. Adults can also provide children and youth with examples of how helpful bystanders have shown courage and made a difference in real-life situations. Below are some helpful tips for talking to children about being a bully bystander as well as a list of resources for parents and caregivers.

Tips for Talking to Your Children about Being a Bully Bystander:

• Lead by example.
• Always convey the message that bullying behaviours are harmful and unacceptable.
• Start the conversation by bringing up bullying at school more broadly. Ask your child about their classroom and recess observations. This allows children to begin to safely explore issues of bullying without feeling punished (if they bully) or re-victimized (if they are being bullied).
• Fighting back against bullying with violence and aggression usually doesn’t work. Violence only encourages more violence and fails to solve the problem. Encourage children to talk to an adult if they are being bullied or know of peers who are being victimized. Always tell children to report bullying that happens at school to a teacher or principal. Telling is NOT tattling.
• Never tell children that being bullied is a normal part of growing up. This has the potential to make already victimized children feel increasingly weak or vulnerable. Let children know that there are things parents, teachers and schools, and even they themselves can do to prevent further bullying.
• Children may feel reluctant to discuss their experiences because they believe their situation is unique, embarrassing, or shameful. They may think adults can’t understand or help. But hearing a story about an adult’s bullying experiences may inspire a child to reveal his or her own experiences.
• Monitor your child’s activity on the computer and other electronic devices.
• Include a discussion about what it means to be a bystander. Educate children about the reality of intervening as a bystander. Did you know that bullying stops in less than 10 seconds, 57% of the time when peers intervene on behalf of the victim?
• Talk to your children about empathy. Provide children with opportunities to picture themselves and how they might feel in each role – the bully, the bullied, and the bystander.
• Make a plan. Come up with concrete steps for what to do if your child is being bullied or sees bullying happening at school. This may involve talking to a parent/guardian, taking to a teacher or principal, and practicing assertiveness skills and “I-statements” for children to use in bullying situations.

It takes everyone to put an end to bullying. Be an active bystander. Stand up and say “NO” to bullying.

Additional Resources:

Eyes on Bullying: http://www.eyesonbullying.org

This website provides useful information and definitions on the various forms of bullying. You can download a FREE toolkit directly from the website. The Eyes on Bullying Toolkit provides specific insights, strategies, activities, and resources to address bullying. It is designed especially for caregivers and parents of preschool and school-age children and youth to use in child care programs, afterschool and youth programs, and camps.

Stop A Bully: http://www.stopabully.ca/

This website include resources for teachers, parents, and caregivers and includes information about bullying, including cyber bullying. A number of resources are available for download or for purchase.

PREVnet: http://www.prevnet.ca/bullying

PREVnet targets bullying at all ages, including adulthood. The website offers resources for parents, caregivers, educators, and self-help strategies. They provide up-to-date research and materials to better understand bullying dynamics, as well as provide information about Canadian events and conferences aimed at reducing and preventing bullying behaviour for those of all ages. 

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 or www.kidshelpphone.ca

Kids Help Phone offers free confidential crisis counselling to children and youth. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and can be contacted online or by phone.